things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
