I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
