Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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