Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
