I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
