Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
