My friends, they love my intelligence
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
