I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
