you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
