i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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