So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
