That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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