I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
