my sisters under your porch take her home
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
