Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
