The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the liver wants what the liver wants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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