fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
