I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
