You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
