I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
