I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
