please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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