I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
