If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
