You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
