I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
