so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
