I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
