is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
