I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
