he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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