He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
