I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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