I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
