There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
