I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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