I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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