What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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