I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just high enough for therapy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
