My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
