I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need moral support for this bender
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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