I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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