I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
