maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
