Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
