Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
