Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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