I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
