Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
