sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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