Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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