I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
