but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
